BREAKING NEWS: Bacon has been scientifically
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BREAKING NEWS: Bacon has been scientifically proven to be the cure for EVERYTHING!
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OK.It's not the cure for heart disease,but once I had a mosquito bite that kind stung & slapped a sizzling piece of bacon on the sucker & woah boy, I totally forgot about the sting
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when that bacon oil whipped up into my face! Now the kind of burn that leaves some tasty grease on your lips is a burn I can handle. Forget about that other no good sucker.
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With my face in unbearable yet delicious agony. I knew that there was only one way to settle the score. BACON COOK OFF.
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I and my opponent started frying bacon like nobody's business. The air was soon filled with the heat from the fire as well as the enticing aroma of bacon.
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It was going well until I turned my back for two seconds, and my bacon caught fire. There was no way I could win now. My only option was to sabotage my opponent.
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Okay, think dammit. Time is running out. One glance at the clock showed me I had only 30 minutes left. My opponent was already adding finishing touches to his dish.
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He glanced at his creation. Toasted cardboard slices and sauteed plastic dowels in a peach fuzz bechamel sauce. One more for the win. Calabrian chiles. The judges gasped.
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As each judged tasted his creation, each died a horrible death, but was instantly reborn from the empty Calabrian chili jar as a god. The god-judges decided to reward him with
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ultimate sex appeal. His 200lb body turned from fat to muscle mass & his lazy eyes straightened into a sultry gaze. His sexy food marketing rocked but, millions of gods, not good.
2
- Started
- 2016-12-06 15:12:56
- Finished
- 2016-12-09 19:02:54
6 Comments
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Rebbie Dec 09 2016 @ 19:05
What would happen with millions of Gods? The Hindus stopped at thousands .... smart, I think.
SlimWhitman Dec 09 2016 @ 19:08
What if there were billions? As many gods as people and everyone could pray to their own god...
Rebbie Dec 09 2016 @ 19:28
Yes! Personal God. ME: Dear my god, I want world peace. MY GOD: Dear Rebbie, there is a conference next week with this many gods everything has to be done by popular vote. Don't get your hopes up as I am the god of fruit fly farts, October's god is the god of arm pit hair growth and SlimWhitman's god it the god of war. Although we could out vote him two to one the retailation is brutal fruit fly farts and arm pit hair against guns and flame throwers ... well think of us a s fuel. ME: Dang it!
SlimWhitman Dec 10 2016 @ 09:46
Well, I was thinking of it more along the lines of my god lives within me (like Buddha nature), not the western pantheon concept where each god has a realm (like fruit fly farts). Here's an interesting discussion on Hindu beliefs about the number of gods: https://www.quora.com/Where-does-the-count-of-330-million-Hindu-Gods-come-from
Woab Dec 10 2016 @ 10:59
"He glanced at his creation. Toasted cardboard slices and sauteed plastic dowels in a peach fuzz bechamel sauce." earthquakes, that line made me follow you.
earthquakes Dec 10 2016 @ 15:06
Haha thank you!! I watch too much Bobby Flay XD