She painstakingly removed the outer shell

She painstakingly removed the outer shell with an xacto knife and the lid of an old pen. Times were tough at Science Beat magazine, but an alien first contact like this would get

good news stand sales. Just then, three men in black suits appeared as if like magic. One brandished a shiny gold badge and said,

"We're here for the stolen magazines. You got 'em?" A strange silence settled on them, as if the world had come to a standstill. He turned and

said, "Back and to the left, back and to the left." The hallucinating gangsters stumbled in the direction and tripped over a Gummi Bear. At least that's what they thought the dead

body of their former boss was. One of them reached out, fondling the corpse's pant leg before wrapping his drooling mouth around the ankle. "Mmm..." he said, "tastes like

rusty nails and waterpipes!!" I've dreamt of this ever since I was a little

short on cash with the plumber glaring his "I'm not touching your septic system, because you're POOR" glare. My new septic system wasn't the best in the world, but at least it

was a nice color, at least as septic systems go. "Are all your pipes this clean?", he said suggestively, as he deflated the

inflatable toy that had been stuck in the drain. I was so embarrassed that someone had discovered my secret, as I had tried to flush it away, that I didn't even notice his

sock puppet hanging off the bedpost. It grinned! It leered! I shuddered that there was a witness to my shame and I decided, right then, that the puppet would pay with his life.