The sun went down and Vampire Mr. Potato

The sun went down and Vampire Mr. Potato rose from his foil casket. The agry villagers were outside his oven with torches and steak fries. They wanted the monster

responsible for turning all the lettuce into taters. They chose to kill him with pieces of other vamipire taters simply because it was cheesy. But Vampire Mr. Potato had eyes every

time they attempted to assassinate him for realsies. It was always up to Jim to remove the eyes, but Jim could never bring himself to do it. Why was he stalling? Maybe it was

the dog caught under the throttle pedal. "Come here Rufus! Good doggy. Aah that's better!" Jim drove on to perform the impending eye removal on their latest corpse. The corpse was

reanimated when they arrived. It was playing backgammon with Jim's assistant. "Shall we still do the surgery?" "Bring me the axe," ordered Jim. His dog Rufus fetched it.

Rufus asked if Jim was sure he wanted to use it. Jim said, "why not?" Rufus was not so sure. The surgeon said he didn't need an axe. He needed something else. What was it called?

A thingy-ma-bob, a widget, a what-cha-ma-call-it. Jim handed Rufus a chainsaw, and he handed it to the surgeon. The next lines are not for the squeemish.

The surgeon took the chainsaw and had a flashback to the summer before college when he had worked as a lumberjack out near Nainamo in BC. He had used a chainsaw on his first kill.

"Honey, where is that firewood I asked for?" his wife called from the cabin. The surgeon pulled himself together and answered: "I'm pretty sure I took out its appendix."