Biden, alerted by an aide, logged into the

Biden, alerted by an aide, logged into the site. His trademark smile fell away as he reached for the phone. "It's me. Find the bastards. Extreme prejudice." He chuckled as he

focused on the game. It would lead him to them and he would be through with this bunch forever. His minions would be able to follow his moves in the game and thus

he would be crowned the Curling champion of New Brunswick. The only hitch in his plan was a pregnant woman named Harriet Stine who

was his best sweeper. Harriet must have sold her soul to the devil 'cause she could make a curling stone stop wherever she wanted. She was clutch, but being 8 months preggers,

her balance was off and the stone lightly grazed one from our team and angled off. I was just about to cheer triumphantly when she clutched her swollen belly and said "I'm having

Luckily, we found a guy who was not only a part-time janitor and part-time chimney sweep, but he also happened to be wearing flamboyant Norwegian curling pants. He joined our team

and proved to be the hardest worker of all. Often, I would lie back and smoke a cigar while he worked, casually pointing out places he'd missed that were actually perfectly fine.

Yeah, I was an asshole back then. But that all changed the day he had a heart attack and everybody noticed how little hard work I had actually been doing. He became a hero posthumo

rously, because his casket got loose and rolled down the street, picking up enough momentum down each hill to ascend the next one. Haha, who needs dignity? He's DEAD after all!