“You’re listening to WWJD 106.3 FM “The

“You’re listening to WWJD 106.3 FM “The Moose”. For tonight’s Local Produce segment, we’re pleased to have Maine’s own rock keyboardist prodigy, Juan Charles. How do you do, Juan?”

"Veddy well, thank yew." So, Juan, tell us, is it true that in addition to being a master ivory tickler, you are also a virgin and a vegetarian? *sounds of a scuffle* Get him off!

Juan watched the fight ocurring next to him and answered the question thusly, "What mean you by this term virgin? What say you of this thing called a Vegetarian?"

Thus began the education of Juan the chivalrous Spaniard on the concept of eating no meat. "Milady, a creature would surely shrivel & perish." "Well Juan, I'm a virgin to meat so

are you implying that my bodily parts look shrivelled?" Chivalrous Juan declined, out of courtesy, and thus had to acknowledge that even vegetarians could live. Milady served him

a slice of vegan humble pie, which he ate with relish. Chivalrous Juan always had relish with his pie. "Pickle, Milady?" However Sir Loyne of Bourguignon heard the exchange and

Offered homemade pickles and sauerkraut. His wife was an expert at canning everything. Being old school, they never used a computer. There was a method to their madness. It was

Little did they know that the Great Spirit had given them Eternal Life, and all their fussing about the end of the world was in vain. It would be their personal Heck, to never get

closure with the Eschaton they so badly wanted. On the other hand, they did get to suffer through the rest of Beiber's career and overdose; so they had that going for them.