He said he got his computer for school. But

He said he got his computer for school. But

he really did get his computer for school. Then again, he didn't, but of course he did, did he?

Second-guessing was a plague that ruined his life. Decisions were crippling. He once fainted from dehydration when he checked to see if he'd locked the door for two-weeks straight.

intense anal itching caused by the medications he took to control the other conditions. This led to some embarrassing incidents, like that time he

spent a half hour easing the itch on what he thought was a door handle, but turned out to be the king's scepter. The king was not amused. The life of a blind man with hemorrhoids

had its moments, but they weren't necessarily good ones. Frankly, as the jester said in his eulogy, he ended up with a royal pain in the ass. Humming that Dylan tune, he

ordered the Master at Arms to take the jester and give him some "enhanced interrogation techniques." Stupid "artistes" and their "correct" interpretations of history. No, he was

... the most interesting man in the world. He ate breakfast for dinner and sometimes wore his slippers to work. When he farted women giggled and removed their tops. He once juggled

three Tibetan monkeys at once, but even this feat paled in comparison to what he was planning. Tyler Baxter-Mancheif was going to take over the world!