30

Everything I do becomes a fad. I drank White

  • Everything I do becomes a fad. I drank White Russians BEFORE "The Big Lebowski." I had an ironic goatee in the Eighties! (I wish I could just sue somebody.)
  • I mean, for fucks sake - I practically invented the word, 'Hipster'. You should be finding my name next to it in Merriam-Webster's. I had skinny jeans tattooed on when I was five
  • , and by the time I reached middle-age I was so fuckin tattooed that people thought I was some sort of bronze statue with bird droppings on if I sat very still. These "hipsters" ca
  • -rry around red stripe beer and go to lucha libre matches. They live in a self-aware ironic bubble that causes them to be soulless. That's where my awesome tatts come in. I use
  • them to communicate with Romanian orphans. I point to the skull and say "skull", then to the anchor and say "anchor", then to my girlfriend's name mispelt in Urdu and say "Fessica"
  • but by the end of the day I usually give up and shout at the Romanian orphans to say, "GOD DAMMIT, I DON'T SPEAK VAMPIRE!" Little blood-suckers. Next day, start again. "English is
  • Not a language Gypsies speak. Sorry, we must move on." So spoke Gredovich and Serhopich.
  • Actually they said "We must pull some cats tails", but as I see your questioning glances, what Gredovich and Serhopich said is untranslatable. The gypsy's reply was "
  • vague at best, and at worst-- it was VERY vague. Which I guess isn't really too much worse but there' not a big scale here of how bad the response was, either way the gypse's respo
  • nse was ambiguously mysterious, which left me curious. I should have remembered that curiosity killed the cat. Now it's too late. RIP, Kitty.

2 Comments

  1. PurpleProf Oct 06 2016 @ 07:15

    No way, SlimWhitman!!!

  2. SlimWhitman Oct 06 2016 @ 07:55

    We have a psychic connection PP, through the vague gypsy medium...

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!