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Let me begin by declaring that I have not

  • Let me begin by declaring that I have not now, had not in the past, and will not in both the near and distant future have conversation with or attempt to collude with anyone from
  • the Donkey Kong Administration. Ever since Kong ran this country. Cities across the country have seen a spike in barrel attacks. I decided it is waste of time to work with them.
  • I had to solve the plumber problem on my own, and I'd be damned if I let the Kong Administration stand in my way. I pressed my banana cigar into the "tray" and put on my best suit.
  • Though I looked adorable in my monkey suit, it didn't suit my needs as a plumber. For one thing, the pants covered my rump completely, except for the hole where the tail poked thro
  • -ugh. But the opportunities for branding were endless- Monkey's Wrench Plumbing was one company name that came to mind. I began to design the business cards as my tail swished
  • and stirred my coffee. I scratched my monkey nose, and Walah! The business card read, "Monkey's Wrench Plumbing, We only monkey around after work, Guaranteed or your money
  • back.” I turned the card over in my monkey hand and saw that the giraffe from scaffolding services had scrawled a message on the back. It read, "It's high time we meet. Lets say @
  • Monkey King's palace. The chief baboon told me I was hired on the spot to supervise the night shift at monkey mart. I was at that job for 55,000 days.
  • ..not bad for a 170-year old chimp. My monkey mart employees wanted to know my secret for living to such a ripe old age and still being able to work so efficiently.
  • The short answer is "bananas" of course. The long answer is "lots of bananas" and the de luxe answer is "Musa × paradisiaca".

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