Let me begin by declaring that I have not

Let me begin by declaring that I have not now, had not in the past, and will not in both the near and distant future have conversation with or attempt to collude with anyone from

the Donkey Kong Administration. Ever since Kong ran this country. Cities across the country have seen a spike in barrel attacks. I decided it is waste of time to work with them.

I had to solve the plumber problem on my own, and I'd be damned if I let the Kong Administration stand in my way. I pressed my banana cigar into the "tray" and put on my best suit.

Though I looked adorable in my monkey suit, it didn't suit my needs as a plumber. For one thing, the pants covered my rump completely, except for the hole where the tail poked thro

-ugh. But the opportunities for branding were endless- Monkey's Wrench Plumbing was one company name that came to mind. I began to design the business cards as my tail swished

and stirred my coffee. I scratched my monkey nose, and Walah! The business card read, "Monkey's Wrench Plumbing, We only monkey around after work, Guaranteed or your money

back.” I turned the card over in my monkey hand and saw that the giraffe from scaffolding services had scrawled a message on the back. It read, "It's high time we meet. Lets say @

Monkey King's palace. The chief baboon told me I was hired on the spot to supervise the night shift at monkey mart. I was at that job for 55,000 days.

..not bad for a 170-year old chimp. My monkey mart employees wanted to know my secret for living to such a ripe old age and still being able to work so efficiently.

The short answer is "bananas" of course. The long answer is "lots of bananas" and the de luxe answer is "Musa × paradisiaca".