At 8:30 that morning, the call came. I'd

At 8:30 that morning, the call came. I'd been waiting for that call for over a week, but I still wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear.

My father Nate had eaten too many carrots. No wonder he was pregnant.

All pregnant people always tend to have eaten tremendous amounts of the orange vegetable. Which is why kids are told never to eat any carrots offered to them. But dad never listens

does he? He waves his bunch of carrots about shamelessly, proclaiming that they help with seeing in the dark. He paid no special favours to mother; he was a true carrot socialist.

And if you think Germany left behind the totalitarian regime of National Socialists, just take a look at their free speech laws sometime. He crunched a carrot between his teeth and

the curb. It always amazed him how the bone sound of a crisp carrot reminded him to be evil. Or how a bird riding the thermals reminded him to be evil too. Just now the gurgles of

the Listerine testing team had ceased, letting him know that it was quitting time, and the fresh-breathed employees would saunter out to the parking lot, unaware of his evil plan

to harvest their gums. The man's mouth was a patchwork of grafts, and his recessive gum line exposed yellowing roots. He hid in the tall grass, waiting for the last employee to

floss. He then sprang out, grabbed him by the nape of his neck while shoving a Dustbuster up against his lips. The gums were slurped up & deposited in his gum bank. A gumper crop!