Murdock Lipschitz carefully removed the cylinder

Murdock Lipschitz carefully removed the cylinder he'd labeled with RADIOACTIVE WASTE nearly three decades earlier from the vault at the back of the lab. He unscrewed the lid and pu

t his lips in it. He created a suction like he used to do with the coca cola bottles. That was the summer of the "dug out" where it finally became clear Murdock couldn't play

Tiddlywinks because both of his thumbs had been blown off when he attempted to light a bangsite cannon inside the rear of a speeding

doubledecker bus. Although, you wouldn't be able to tell his thumbs were gone by the speed and precision he makes balloon animals. He was a brash man whose life motto was

"If all else fails, choose the balloons." It was a strange motto, but it worked well enough for him, so much so that

he started paying a balloonman to follow him around in his day-to-day life. That way he always had a choice even when it came to the worst. And he chose the balloons every time.

When the boss fired you, your balloon man a giant F-you hand. When your blind date scoffed "Are you a virgin?" your balloon wingman make an inflated effigy of

your mother, which was pretty accurate even if the facial hair was off a tad bit. Hmmm...was it a ballon mother or your real mother at your wedding? Your newly ex-boss would know,

especially because he is a retired clown. You'll never forget how he terrified your little sister into hiding. Speaking of which, where IS your little sister?

"Well, gee, I don't know. Last I checked, she was filling in an application for the Ringling Brothers' circus."