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Murdock Lipschitz carefully removed the cylinder

  • Murdock Lipschitz carefully removed the cylinder he'd labeled with RADIOACTIVE WASTE nearly three decades earlier from the vault at the back of the lab. He unscrewed the lid and pu

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  • t his lips in it. He created a suction like he used to do with the coca cola bottles. That was the summer of the "dug out" where it finally became clear Murdock couldn't play

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  • Tiddlywinks because both of his thumbs had been blown off when he attempted to light a bangsite cannon inside the rear of a speeding

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  • doubledecker bus. Although, you wouldn't be able to tell his thumbs were gone by the speed and precision he makes balloon animals. He was a brash man whose life motto was

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  • "If all else fails, choose the balloons." It was a strange motto, but it worked well enough for him, so much so that

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  • he started paying a balloonman to follow him around in his day-to-day life. That way he always had a choice even when it came to the worst. And he chose the balloons every time.

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  • When the boss fired you, your balloon man a giant F-you hand. When your blind date scoffed "Are you a virgin?" your balloon wingman make an inflated effigy of

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  • your mother, which was pretty accurate even if the facial hair was off a tad bit. Hmmm...was it a ballon mother or your real mother at your wedding? Your newly ex-boss would know,

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  • especially because he is a retired clown. You'll never forget how he terrified your little sister into hiding. Speaking of which, where IS your little sister?

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  • "Well, gee, I don't know. Last I checked, she was filling in an application for the Ringling Brothers' circus."

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