Sometime while I waited, Iris sat back and

Sometime while I waited, Iris sat back and pulled out a cigarette. I burned the last of the battery using the cigarette lighter in the dash and sat there while she smoked. After

our ordeal, I guess she deserved at least one "little pleasure". I laughed aloud at my ironic joke, but Iris seemed lost in

how postmodern and aged my sense of humor was. I labeled everything "Ironic." But Iris narrowed her eyes and finally she said to me,

her eyes flashing with hatred, "You are intellectually flatulent, a fart offensive to all our kind." I texted my t-shirt guy and it would be ready by 4. I'd surprise her tonight

. Unfortunately my plans to sooth her anger with the scratch'n'sniff t-shirt featuring her quote and a close up photo of my sphincter didn't please her as I'd hoped.

Really should have gone with the roses in retrospect. Maybe it was the fact that my whole body reeked of sphincter that turned her off. Or maybe it was the headlock and noogie that

I had given her when I jumped out from behind the out house to surprise her. At first i thought the screams were excitement at seeing me again after my little stint for statutory

hogshead conversion tables, but it seemed the old cow just couldn't bear to go near that outhouse anymore. Something had spooked Miley, but we hadn't the faintest clue what it

about to explode." As if she was taking this as her cue, she did in fact exploded right afterwards. Me and my companions found ourselves covered from head to toe in Miley gibs.