The Chairman upstairs is watching. You don't
- The Chairman upstairs is watching. You don't really have a free will. If you try to deviate from "the plan," he will cause your coffee to spill, thereby missing the bus, causing
- to miss your soulmate. Unbeknownst to many, The Chairman of Fate retired long ago, the Plan of the Universe is now run by Mel from accounting who thought it would only be temporary
- unfortunately the Chairman met his Fate without ever divulging the grand purpose of Creation. Mel just tried to balance out Successes and Setbacks. Karma Calculus was cumbersome
- and rather derivative. Newton went through an Eastern phase in his later years. He exchanged Physics for Metaphysics. People called him names like "Third Eyes"-aac Newton and
- Fig after a rather unfortunate public incident regarding a dispute over whether fruit combined with cake could be properly referred to as a 'cookie'. Newton's detractors went so
- ballistic, that one of them took a fig roll and shouted "HOW CAN THIS BE CALLED A COOKIE!!, IT'S MADE OF FIG, AND..... ROLL!". Newton shook his head
- contemptuously. Newton stroked his flowing white beard. He took the fig newton in the palm of his hand and said, "a cookie is a small, flat, baked treat, usually containing fat."
- Unfortunately, Penn Gillette had come through, draining all the fat from Newton's fig newtons. This pissed off the physicist so that he reverted back to alchemy, tinkering with
- the Nutella jar. "God damnit", Newton said, trying to open it. Nutella was an important ingredient in today's Alchemy experiment - He got it open, finishing the experiment, which
- proved once and for all that the secret to curing cancer lay in Nutella. Were it not for that lawsuit it would have been discovered much sooner, so I hope you lawyers are happy.
- Started
- 2011-07-22 12:50:02
- Finished
- 2012-05-08 19:27:08
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49erFaithful May 08 2012 @ 19:47
Now there's a proper lesson in history. Teachers and text book authors take note.