The Chairman upstairs is watching. You don't

The Chairman upstairs is watching. You don't really have a free will. If you try to deviate from "the plan," he will cause your coffee to spill, thereby missing the bus, causing

to miss your soulmate. Unbeknownst to many, The Chairman of Fate retired long ago, the Plan of the Universe is now run by Mel from accounting who thought it would only be temporary

unfortunately the Chairman met his Fate without ever divulging the grand purpose of Creation. Mel just tried to balance out Successes and Setbacks. Karma Calculus was cumbersome

and rather derivative. Newton went through an Eastern phase in his later years. He exchanged Physics for Metaphysics. People called him names like "Third Eyes"-aac Newton and

Fig after a rather unfortunate public incident regarding a dispute over whether fruit combined with cake could be properly referred to as a 'cookie'. Newton's detractors went so

ballistic, that one of them took a fig roll and shouted "HOW CAN THIS BE CALLED A COOKIE!!, IT'S MADE OF FIG, AND..... ROLL!". Newton shook his head

contemptuously. Newton stroked his flowing white beard. He took the fig newton in the palm of his hand and said, "a cookie is a small, flat, baked treat, usually containing fat."

Unfortunately, Penn Gillette had come through, draining all the fat from Newton's fig newtons. This pissed off the physicist so that he reverted back to alchemy, tinkering with

the Nutella jar. "God damnit", Newton said, trying to open it. Nutella was an important ingredient in today's Alchemy experiment - He got it open, finishing the experiment, which

proved once and for all that the secret to curing cancer lay in Nutella. Were it not for that lawsuit it would have been discovered much sooner, so I hope you lawyers are happy.