"Don't Wake Me Except For Fighting, Fishing,

"Don't Wake Me Except For Fighting, Fishing, or F_ _ _ ing", read the sleepmask. The small letters were embroidered in gold thread. "Bingo" had been crossed out and replaced with

a turtle doodle. Laura examined the sleeping man for a minute. Then she gently prized his fingers from the wooden spoon he held brandished like a wand. His eyebrow twitched, but

he did not wake up. She then went to the store to buy sour cream. In the store she met her friend that she had not seen 100 years and there are of course retained. Her friend was

pretending to look for oat bran while sneaking upaid for snack from the bulk bin. The 100 year old lady shuffled to her ancient friend and said, "How could you?"

Her friend showed her the ledger. She'd kept track of every pilfered snack, every ketchup packet, every handful of grapes eaten before the checkout line. In her long life she'd

Her friend said, "I know how people feel about shop lifting, but I like to lift." Well, you've ruined the guys business. It got repossessed. He lives in a box on 32nd now. You shou

ld at least bring him some water. He gets it from a dirty apartment drain!" She felt bad that her shop lifting habit ruined the man's life, but she did get some really cool stuff

out of the deal. She was growing her hair out longer and trading her outfit in for something a bit more modern. Her eyes had been opened by the slick '80s "shit-king" scene and she

had finally gotten a taste for my personal favorite fetish: scat. I popped the question to her "How much will it cost me for you to let me drop a duce between those ubbs of yours?"