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My attendance at the dentist’s office had

  • My attendance at the dentist’s office had been less than stellar and had left me with a few rotten molars and rancid breath that had put even my dog and me at odds.
  • Which put me in a bind because I was the Lead Dentist at this Dentists office. But I'd opened my practice in the South and there were a lot of "days off." So I gave up on hygiene
  • as did most of the girls at the local pub. You don't scratch where it don't itch my momma used to say she replied. Razors are for Sissies. We chew our hairs off 1 at a time.
  • Well, we don't chew them ourselves; we're no contortionists. We actually use albino mole rats specially bred for the task. That's because they
  • have naturally strong jaws and sharp teeth. The monthly bill for the creatures' upkeep is astronomical, but we make a steady profit, and barely have to lift a finger.
  • Of course, if we did lift a finger the fucking creature would have our whole damn arms off quicker than you can say "fuck". Not only does it hurt, it sure feels queer when it eats
  • them. It's kind of like a an itching sensation spreads into your arm, and you're actually aware of it almost melting into a pile of gelatinous goo. Then you feel hot and start to
  • have an urge to eat a whole box of Mac and Cheese, uncooked, just right out of the box. Your night sweats will be followed by the sense that someone is licking your toes. (Eww)
  • This is critical: that someone is NOT, I repeat NOT your hypnotherapist. I have never, nor will I again crawl into your bedroom, lift up your flannel sheets & lick your toes. Snap!
  • She woke up and was no longer afraid of chopsticks. However, in one hour, she would develop ablutophobia at the Chinese buffet when she noticed her unusually clean toes.
Started
2011-02-02 02:22:06
Finished
2011-09-17 13:36:18

4 Comments

  1. Avatar

    49erFaithful Sep 17 2011 @ 23:40

    I didn't do it. Nobody saw anything. It wasn't me. I don't know how your toes got so clean. Would you like to make another appointment?
  2. Avatar

    Chaz Sep 18 2011 @ 00:31

    In Medieval London, they tortured people by having their feet licked by goats. Why I know this, don't ask.
  3. Avatar

    m80 Sep 18 2011 @ 00:34

    Both of these comments have given me a better understanding of what goes on around here. ;-)
  4. Avatar

    Ariax Sep 18 2011 @ 00:35

    Nowadays when I'm in London I go by several salon type stores that have, and I'm not making this up, tanks full of tiny fish you put your feet into and they 'clean' them by nibbling away all the dead skin and dirt. Possibly a technological improvement on the previous method?

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