My friend got the lease on a hole-in-the-wall

My friend got the lease on a hole-in-the-wall bar near Troost in KC. He's opening in June & needs a good name. The rejected names are Bar O'Soap, Wong's Half Way Inn, The Bearded C

and "Drink n' Piss." He'll probably call his pub the D'n'P for short. "It doesn't get better." He just wants a bar to drink and sob, so he leased one. "Oh god, it's getting worse."

The D'n'P Pub did great business at first. They had the "left work early, just gonna have 1, end up closing the place down" crowd nailed. The problems started when some lost D'n'D

fanboys burst in, robes billowing in the drafty air as they tipped their wizard hats toward the barkeep. Upon finding out that only Duck & Pork was on tap, however, they flew into

each other's arms and had a good cry. One fanboy said, "Peace! I have ginger ale and grenadine." He dumped them in a cauldron and POOF, Shirley Temple was reborn. "Whoops, too much

grenadine!" "On the Good ship...lollipop..." began the song, at first sweet and innocent, but as Shirley's mouth filled with blood and her eyes blazed with fire, it became a

pparent that I had wandered into the Temple of Shirley. Melted lollipops and streaks of human gore caked the walls like the rotten flesh of a leper. A colossal skull constructed

of gumdrops, icing, and bonemeal was set high on a dais, adorned with flowers and trailing vines. I felt like I'd stepped into a Day of the Dead celebration. "Sweet," I said.

This is what I always thought Heaven would look like. I looked around at the mushroom gardens and the flowers, the prickling vines twirling up the brick houses. I then decided

Jesus was just alright with me. If I had only realized that when I was alive! It was at that moment I first saw Him, his arms outstretched towards me. "Welcome home," He said.