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I entered the stall and was startled when

  • I entered the stall and was startled when the toilet raised it's own lid, lit the bowel in an eerie neon light and said "

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  • I am the Bowl of Christmas Past.." my face went flush at the talking toilet.

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  • "I used to be at your grandparents house!", it said. I recognised it, I admitted. Then, it had a pull chain in the ceiling. That was long gone, thanks to modernisation.

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  • It went from pull chain to clapper to voice recognition capabilities. They were on the cusp of creating one that could read a person's mind. You would only need to think about

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  • turning on the lights. Really, it was a bit underwhelming. The power to read minds, and all it could be used for was illumination? The lights were ecstatic. Finally, they could

    3
  • take a breather. The lights briefly brightened at the prospect. What? You didn't know that lights need rest, too? It takes a lot of energy to illuminate a McMansion.

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  • Everything needs to rest, and I've been busy enough to take a break.

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  • Oh, how sweet it was to not wake up to the siren of an ambulance, hurrying to buy some wretched soul more time on Earth. And for what? I for one was perfectly happy in this remote

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  • corner of the jungle where the only screams were the screams of chimpanzees high in the canopy, feasting on fruits and bugs. I would never again return to the city, but would make

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  • a fool of myself swinging between vines like I was Tarzan, pot belly hanging out of my boxers. The chimps called me "Netflix" & spent the day cracking up & pointing at me. AAHHOOOO

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4 Comments

  1. foldmeonce Nov 14 2017 @ 15:36

    So in the beginning we have the Bowl of Christmas Past, and at the end the chimps are answering the call of nature!

  2. SlimWhitman Nov 14 2017 @ 15:57

    Maybe it was the Bowl of Christmas Passed?

  3. Woab Nov 14 2017 @ 16:37

    I'll pass...

  4. SlimWhitman Nov 20 2017 @ 10:32

    Haha. "lit the bowel". Just noticed my own spelling mistake. A whole new idea for Intellitoilets: light up your bowels! Maybe Santa has one?

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