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That was when I dared Jimmy to eat 25 slim

  • That was when I dared Jimmy to eat 25 slim jims in one sitting. He declined and I double dog dared him. He caved and by the time he got to the 15th one he was beginning to look
  • slim, as would be expected. I tossed out my salad and started shoving slim jims down my throat too. I figured they couldn't hurt, since they're basically celery sticks made of pig
  • glutens and denatured soy isolate. Kinda bland until you roll 'em in some tabasco or whatnot. My gut
  • thanked me for the XXX habañero sauce, though other quarters would harangue me on the morrow. Next up, some cabbages to keep the cancer at bay. The innocent brussels sprouts
  • glistened in the starlight like gigantic, green, wet, fly eyeballs. Emerald cruciferous racquetballs bedazzling the gently sloping buttocks of the east garden. Hot sauce should
  • get all those racquetballs off the east garden; they were quite useless when Bedazzled anyway. The workers were uncomfortable rubbing sauce on the buttock-esque hills, so they
  • gave up anything that reminded them of sex. Basically this meant that the workers joined National Public Radio and became Terry Gross's "ex-terns" but
  • she never appreciated them the way they deserved. Since they were sworn to celibacy, they couldn't rape her to retaliate, but they were confident they could find other embarrassing
  • ways to belittle her. They made snide comments about her toenail manicure & poorly matching lipstick color. Since their Order required monks to wear drag they were in their element
  • at Lady Gaga's fashion show, but they didn't take kindly to the models outshining them. It was about to turn into a catwalk catfight.
Started
2011-08-03 11:35:18
Finished
2011-12-19 18:31:26

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    m80 Dec 20 2011 @ 00:17

    I think perhaps this little gem has gotten missed in the slew of recent publications. And what an homage to brussels sprouts, which I think will help immensely when I try to get the kids to eat them.
  2. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Dec 20 2011 @ 05:56

    Yes, just tell them they're "gigantic, green, wet, fly eyeballs" and I'm sure they'll gobble them up.

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