Slang math considers zero to be a meaningless

  • Slang math considers zero to be a meaningless placeholder. So "2 x 1 = 2" is read as "twenty time ten be 2 grand." But is used as a value, "1 - 1 = 0" is "1 from 1 ain't nothin."
  • Furthermore, let it now be recognized that if you subtract a boatload from a crapton, you're left with somewhere between a smidgen and a chunk. A whole bunch isn't as many as
  • as a pinch. But who's counting? As long as we're counting, they're 1760 yards in a mile? But if someone gives ya an inch, ya can't take a mile. Unless ya walk a mile in their shoes
  • uphill, both ways - in which case they'd better be well-fitting hiking boots. Hopefully in your size, too, or you'll have blisters for a week afterwards. Who has time for that?
  • You're also going to need a portable privvy & some environmentally-friendly toilet paper. NEVER, EVER leave any human waste at your campsite, or you run the risk of attracting
  • bottle flies, dung beetles, & Mr.Needlepoop. He's been seen skulking around the Grand Cacas looking for coprolite trophies. You don't want your dookie in a Faecalia Museum do you?
  • I'me just being fece-tious. No, I defecately cannot allow my gold painted turd to squat on a shelf and waste away in a Unsanitoriam. In all the excrement I passed my golden turd
  • was my greatest joy. I polished that golden turd until I could see my happy face reflected in it. I kept it in my pocket & got it out to admire on long tube journeys. Until the day
  • the fire nation attacked, shattering the golden turd in half. "Noo!" I screamed in despair, falling to my knees. "My one true love! Torn into nothing! Why must this be so?"
  • I had a good cry, and then, in keeping with my life's credo "one good turd deserves another", I grabbed a glass of water and my chia seeds and set off to honor my beloved's memory.


  1. m80 Aug 24 2014 @ 17:05

    Nice to see Mr. Needlepoop making an appearance. And MoralEnd, you are turdsmith--I mean, wordsmith.

  2. Gibber Aug 24 2014 @ 17:44

    If you can't get enough gold painted turds, here's an unfinished one: http://foldingstory.com/nsued/

  3. Sophia Aug 25 2014 @ 07:12

    Nicely done, everyone. I think this story is a masterpiece.

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