When I first saw Maya, she was this little

When I first saw Maya, she was this little and malnourished girl who ceased to respond to any cuddles or hugs given to her. But strangely, I felt attracted towards her.

In my head, I a was Kalle Blomquist, who would rescue her from her past and be her redemption. Is there something about Ikea that causes these thoughts? Still, Maya needed help.

I looked around to find her but saw no one. Just then a siren started. Low at first then louder and louder. Then a dull thud. As the building fell towards me I sal her jump on

to Odysseus' boat. What a wonderful ride she is in for I thought to myself as the gaping maw was closing over

as they edged near to the end of the world. The boat tipped slightly and Odysseus

ordered them to stop rowing. The boat leaned forward more and the crew began to panic. He gave a stealy-voiced command and they all froze. I giant hand rose out of the water

clambered across the vessel, clinging on for dear life (albeit briefly) until they reached the edge. There, summoning all the courage they had, they tossed themselves off.

Ejaculating into the ocean, though, was not what the captain had in mind.

Sure, thinking of Natalie Portman was great fun, but he should have been more careful with his semen. His load ended up choking a baby seal.