Punxsutawney Phil finished his survey of

  • Punxsutawney Phil finished his survey of the satellite images & entered the data into his weather forecasting program. Then he took the elevator of his underground penthouse to the

  • "Groundhog's Den". Phil took the short-yet-broad smoking jacket off of the love seat he called his chair and sighed. Looks like another six weeks of mildly offensive and warm win

  • e-country visitors. Phil hated the visitors from Napa valley. They liked visiting the Groundhog the most. Drunks. He decided to give them more winter just for being bougie

  • oisie snobs and so even though it was mostly cloudy, Phil said he saw his shadow and re-burrowed. The tourists all cried foul and spilled their cabernet on each other. But one inve

  • Ntive man spent four years looking for the way to avoid Phil seeing his shadow on the wrong day.

  • Then he had the idea to get him into a sweat lodge on that wrong day before he had a chance to cast a shadow. He also considered sensory deprivation therapy on that wrong day.

  • Also, he was on the wrong planet and space groundhogs don't do Groundhog Day which they disdain as a "Hallmark holiday". The groundhogs felt that the man was trying to oppress them

  • in order to make filthy lucre by exploiting their very groundhoggishness. "It's an outrage," the space groundhogs hollered as they led a protest in front of the Hallmark building.

  • The space groundhogs only had one bargaining chip but it was big. If you don't meet our demands they said, we will refuse to see our shadows ushering in an epoch of eternal winter.

  • Disaster loomed. "What would Bill Murray do," I asked myself. I thought about all the people who love on this small blue pearl we call home, before I gave them my answer. Ok.



  1. Woab Aug 02 2017 @ 11:26

    Hey! We stayed with groundhogs all the way through. We rock.

  2. LordVacuity Aug 02 2017 @ 12:30

    Does that mean we saw our own shadow?

  3. Woab Aug 02 2017 @ 13:19

    Yes, and that means four more weeks of August.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!