One brisk spring morning at a Parisian trottoir

  • One brisk spring morning at a Parisian trottoir as he sipped his coffee and read the paper, The Kraken was accosted by a musician on a bicycle. "How dare you despise the Kaiju! How

  • intolerable" screeched the Kraken over his cup of coffee. The musician made his escape after commenting on Kraken's shoes. "I bite my thumb at you, Sir!" shouted the Kraken. Now

  • the musician was mad. He skidded to a halt. "No one bites my thumb..." he muttered at the Kraken. Without warning, he pounces on the beast, beating the Kraken with his own shoes.

  • The Kraken struggles against the shoes, fearful tears streaming down his slimy face. "I can do anything I want!"

  • "You know, if you were a ship, I would COMPLETELY DESTROY YOU!" his voice thundered, shaking the waves just outside his beach-front retirement home, "Krakens aren't meant for this

  • kind of abuse! I'm a leviathan, ruler of the deep! I strike fear into the hearts of men! And you call me out of retirement to solve this murder? Listen, those days are long gone,

  • pal." The ocean monstrosity writhed violently to punctuate his words. "I ain't no brown-nosing detective any more. I'm the King of the Whirlpools." He bared his rows of long fangs.

  • He was no longer a manatee, but had now morphed into a giant toadfish. His rows of teeth ripped into the side of the boat, and tore into the refrigerator that protruded from the

  • hull. “Mmmm, Frigidaire, my favorite,” croaked the toadfish as it chomped happily. Seizing the moment of the toadfish’s distraction, the captain flung a harpoon…and missed. The toa

  • dfish dropped the fridge with just one bite left and jumped into the kitchen sink before the captain could load up another harpoon. He came out the toilet and ran in at the captain



  1. LordVacuity Apr 11 2018 @ 01:04

    from behind. The captain recognized his position just before the toadfish barreled into him so he managed to dig his feet in and render the toadfish's attack ineffective. By then the toadfish had been out of the water too long and was quickly losing steam but not enough to use for locomotion anymore. His attempts at fishtailing us in the face soon were simply pathetic and finally just put a pallet under it and watched it gasping for air until it died.

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