"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the fire

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the fire arena!" said the host, grinning at the contestants. There were old and young, some as young as five and some as old as sixty-five.

Lemmy Mrgradle realized she was in the wrong place. She turned to the guy next to her, "I thought this was the line to be in the audience for The Price Is Right."

"Nah," he replied, "that's over there." He pointed towards the adjacent studio building. Standing by the door, Drew Carey was smoking a cigarette despondently. Mrs. Mrgradle crept

Up on her and told her she needed to see Dr. Quantiman regarding her premature hair loss. Drew Carey was going bald, two years later. Her agent told her to wear a wig and they visi

Yul Brenner's grave, where they left a bouquet of toupees. Dr. Quantiman and Drew Carey knew that they would never again grow any hair, but they could do an informercial for

Karl the Toe and his Original Time Traveling Party Planners. They were setting an excursion to 79 CE to Pompeii the night before Vesuvius covered it in lava. 500 revelers were to

watch the festivities up close, but were confused when they found Pompeii abandoned. Then the time traveling party planner head realized his watch had stopped. "Shit." The pyrocla-

stic flow wouldn't be any fun if they didn't get to watch people burn. Angry eyes turned upon the Time Traveling party Planner. He knew a rival time traveling party planner had fuc

ked up recently by time-traveling his party to the stage of Ford’s Theatre just as John Wilkes Booth landed on the cake. The angry mob remembered and surrounded the party planner

, begging for signatures & posing for selfies. Lincoln posed for a selfie with John Wilkes Booth before retiring to the presidential box. It rivaled anything Kreskin could muster.