Looking at the terrible predicament I had

Looking at the terrible predicament I had gotten myself in, I was rather disappointed that I hadn't purchased that

"B'chugerroth: The Hope-Slayer" action figure. They're pretty popular with the kids these days.

"I'm not sure about that," Kevin said. He's never heard of B'chugerroth, but out of his fear that he was missing out on the hot new trend, he picked up three of the action fictures

"I AM B'CHUGGEROTH! WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?!" they all spake in unison, as if possessed. "Holy balls," Kevin blasphemed. "YES KEVIN. BALLS, INDEED." Kevin threw 'em all outside

and locked the door. "Well goddamn, that solves that problem," Kevin blasphemed. At that moment, the room shook and the ceiling began to fall. The very balls of God

teabagged Kevin's soul. But the incident gave him superpowers! From that day forth Kevin would be known as Divine Pube Man, leaving villians with a taste of hair in their mouths.

The police knew that the sound of villains spitting out those coarse hairs, "pffffft! pfffff!" meant that Kevin had been on the case. A superhero with crotchless tights, Kevin

was bald, 50 pounds overweight, and looked like he had Jimi Hendrix's afro exploding from his crotchless superhero outfit. Still, Kevin

decided to stick it out. His buds were watching from the gallery of the s&m parlor and Kev didn't want be a sissy on stag night. The fat man in the leather mask raised the

curtain, and out stormed ponies and other cute animals. The room was flooded with joy. S&M, or "Sikat ng arraw At Mahal," directly translated to "Sunshine & Love" from filipino.