"Pancakes.. again? Don't you ever have me

  • "Pancakes.. again? Don't you ever have me cook you anything else?" Mattie asked Gill, playfully acting annoyed. Gill just smiled innocently, though he was anything but that.

  • Every time Mattie cooked the pancakes, Gill would pretend to eat them then secretly take them back to his workshop, where he was hoarding stacks of them in preparation for the

  • impending armageddon. He also had a myriad of leftovers rotting in the workshop and some canned goods. Much to Mattie's dismay, Gill was a conspiracy theorist hoarder which made

  • him a TLC Channel megastar. Which meant that Gil was kind of famous to a small group of people. But he wanted to become even more famous because he wasn't getting enough free

  • TLC paraphernalia. So he set about concocting a scandal to get the attention of paparazzi. He started getting very drunk at hollywood hotspots, but nobody payed him any mind.

  • They paid him heart. As he hopped from hotspot to hotspot, he unwittingly began to give a shit about the scandal he'd been concocting. His heart grew three sizes, but paparazzi

  • continued to portray him as the putz he'd always been. Can a person really change? Only if they

  • develop genetic mutations with which they sprout wings and gills, and other pairs of seemingly contradictory evolutionary steps. One person gave birth to living, breathing eggs.

  • One of them would become the infamous Humpty Dumpty, of nursery rhyme and folk lore.

  • but all those stories covered up the dark secret of Humpty's mafia, a hard-boiled gang of bad eggs that terrorized the denizens of Mother Goose. Noone lost a tear when he shattered



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