I stepped onto the roof of the building,

I stepped onto the roof of the building, looking in awe at all the little lights. From up here, London looked like a swarm of fireflies. A twinkling cloud of light.

the universe thought it knew better when i should get the big sleep. I didn't bang my head on the wall when I wasn't banging my head on the wall & I wasn't going to bang it over th

ceiling, I wasn't dumb enough to try...yet. Maybe if it worked it would become smart.

What the heck, I thought to myself. I have a smart thermostat, a smart phone, why not a smart toaster? With a hot glue gun and some ram chips, I went to work.

After hours, my toaster was finished. It would toast anything to perfection. But there was one problem. I accidentally slid my finger in, and it had acquired a taste for flesh!

It then proceeded to pull my whole hand in the crack, sending burns up my entire arm! Within moments I was entirely trapped in the device, cooking alive. however, I still had time

To whip up a crisp salad to go with the marinated salmon. I chopped and I sliced and I served like a banshee from hell, which was what I was becoming whilst the device flamed my

every political opinion IN CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!! But I didn't care, because by the end of the evening I had made over $8K in tips and was on my way to Bermuda for a well-deserved

disappearance into the beyond. I withdrew all of my money and booked a private jet straight to the Bermuda Triangle, excited to end my existence. I was never seen alive again.