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Lawyer, doctor, or "Indian chief," that is

  • Lawyer, doctor, or "Indian chief," that is what my father wanted me to be when I grew up. Boy, have I disappointed him by becoming a crustacean toe clipper making less than $5.50

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  • ever. After all, FACT: my raw crustacean power is too great for any toenail. Upon settling out of court with Dr. Scholl's now-toeless dog, I'll give Indian Chiefdom another try.

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  • Welp that sucked. Now what?

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  • "Since it sucked so hard, we could attach a big hose and use it to unclog that sewer blockage!" They mounted it on a trailer and bolted on a hose. Tool handles made control levers.

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  • Soon the sewer was unclogged, but then all those baby alligators that had been flushed down the toilets began to emerge, fully grown. Park Avenue was crawling with them.

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  • I mean sharknado had nothing on this, but hey were soon cannibalizing eachother and the more successful one's opened shops on the ritzy avenue selling alligator shoes and purses

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  • to the muttling vacationers. Then the day came when the alligators rebelled. They headed to deep waters and stalked nearby whaling vessels. Not only did they get free meal but rev

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  • Ealed additional teeth, which grew so big they could eat Mr. Gsjhdrykk and family where they couldn't survive. Little Johnny was eaten first, in silent fashion. His fatjetc

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  • array just fell at its feet where his minions filed it away in some future patent claim. Mr. Gsjhdrykk resigned himself to loosing Little Johnny but his other children would not be

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  • chasing green zebras down at the banana patch. Not HIS children. Little Johnny was a loss, but he would carry on, he always did. New adventures were awaiting him. H couldn't wait.

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