26

"Enjoy." smiled the motel clerk, passing

  • "Enjoy." smiled the motel clerk, passing me the key from behind the bullet-proof glass. As he turned to watch Top Gear, I trudged past the dirty ash trays to my hollow-core door.
  • This nondescript dump would be perfect for my next assembly. I'd only rented the room for 2 hours so I had to be quick about it. Get in, take care of business, get out. I grabbed
  • flushable wipes because that's how I roll. I checked the toilet seat for bugs and unknown hairs--always. Also check that the floor isn't wet so I don't drop my drawers in a puddle
  • of foreign piss. There's nothing worse than realizing your drawers are wet after you've put them on... Anyways, after I finally sat on the china throne and relieved myself, I found
  • my subjects dishonoring me with giggling. "I AM LORD CAO PAI OF THE DU DYNASTY!" I roared to command my respect. Alas, the laughter got louder. Being king of China was
  • not easy, and my friend Xiahou Dun's attempt to console me didn't help. People respected him because he ate marshmallows off of toothpicks like a badass. "Cao Pi," he told me, "Let
  • us go drink toothpicks in marshmallows. Surely that will be a greater accomplishment! After carefully molding a cup made of hardened marshmallows and filling it with toothpicks,
  • we downed our spiked drinks in one gulp, and choked. While the hidden toothpicks pierced our throats and stomachs from within, each of us closely studied the other for a sign of
  • an internal monologue, the clearest indication of how close one is near to death. I had almost reached the point of internalising my last unheard words when
  • my alarm clock went off. Dammit. Happens every time.
Started
2012-04-18 22:43:46
Finished
2015-03-30 19:55:17

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    PurpleProf Mar 30 2015 @ 19:58

    What happened here, you see is that he was so tired, he fell asleep on the toilet and then had a very strange dream. Yeah, that's it. That's exactly what happened.
  2. Avatar

    49erFaithful Apr 01 2015 @ 15:13

    I swear there was a dude asleep standing up at a urinal the other day. Seen the asleep on the toilet before but asleep at the urinal was a new one for me.

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