Dear Abby, I know the grass isn't always
- Dear Abby, I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, especially on Mars, but some of my Martian friends tell me they are born with a full cosmoconception and a path
- ological happiness making paradise seem redundant.The problem is they flaunt it while I toil grimly on my parched plot in Ares Vallis.How can live with the injustice? -BLUE ON MARS
- BARS! That disgusting candy. So unjust. Not like a Mr. Goodbar, who modestly shows his peanuts. The Mars Bar should be incarcerated. Forced to do hard time. No Sir! No freedom
- for this candy. A shame they've abolished the death penalty for Mars Bars, since the electric chair turns them into FRIED Mars Bars, which are 1000 times more diabolical and taste
- like melted chocolate & caramel, which is what they are; let's face it. They coulda been something. Something sweet and savory. Now they're only fried and crusty burnt-out shells.
- Like myself. Like my pathetic, worthless, loveless self. Who can eat this sweet candy? It reminds me of what I lost and never deserved. I am a filthy, sub-human monster, and sweets
- are my idol. I guzzle them week after week, and I get really sugar high and end up staring at my bedroom wall for days on end. But then, I stopped eating for a while because
- I forgot how to make a sandwich. The doctor looked at me over her half moon glasses. "You need a therapeutic break in a spa in the Bavarian mountains. Only intensive massage of
- mayonnaise in the lumbar region, a daily scalp mustard plaster and wearing a piece of sliced ham under a Bavarian lederhosen or dirndl will bring back your sandwich making skills
- to rival those of that famous German gasthaus sandwich chain, "Unterführung." Best not to ask for bratwurst in your lederhosen, though. Some people would just not understand.
- Started
- 2011-12-02 23:12:55
- Finished
- 2014-06-07 11:13:18
5 Comments
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SlimWhitman Jun 07 2014 @ 11:35
Knackige Wurst or just happy to see me?
lucielucie Jun 08 2014 @ 09:57
I just put that into google translate & it came out with 'crispy sausage' - is that right?
SlimWhitman Jun 09 2014 @ 08:51
Think ballpark franks... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knackwurst The slang definitions here http://de.bab.la/woerterbuch/deutsch-englisch/knackiger picks up the second meaning. see definitions marked [ung], where umg. is the abbrev. for Umgangssprache=slang]
lucielucie Jun 09 2014 @ 09:00
How you bamboozle me with your German double entendres!
SlimWhitman Jun 09 2014 @ 15:12
I am here for your bamboozlement!