Through the looking glass it would seem my

Through the looking glass it would seem my trophy case had perhaps been ram-sacked or tampered with... Not so much as a remnant of proof boasting of my bountiful accomplishments

dotted his walls. When a "Ram" sacks your house he is goddamned thorough. So somewhere in the Rockies is a Ram roaming the sheer rock faces with my Karate trophies and

a crapton of beanie babies. I really think some of them were worth something but the bottom of the market kinda dropped out after the revelation that the filling inside caused

bulemia. Noone wanted to look like a suction-cheeked crane-legged model on the catwalk. Rubenesque was in. The extrawide collection from Beyoncé was all the rage. Molly models were

specially trained. They ate all day and pranced the catwalk at night. They wore the most glamerous of designs. The Kirstie Alley collection. Made in China, these dresses were so

expensive that only two of them were ever produced and one had been sold for the soul of Justin Beiber, which apparently is worth quite a lot. These supermodels

had been taught by some shyster to philosophize about what they do, so now they think they're actually smart, which lends them extra smugness as they show off ugly, overpriced garb

devoured architectural magazines. He used even gardening articles as inspiration in his transformation. Gabe's feet were already covered in cacti, now his head resembled Danish

furniture-minimalist and stylish. He was then sold several times in the trendier circles of Copenhagen and many a beer was spilled upon him. He would never see a unicorn again.