When I awoke from my doze we were driving

When I awoke from my doze we were driving across a black iron bridge, over dark water blanketed with large yellow leaves. We drove on in silence, and that was fine. About an hour

before the Crypt Keeper's bedtime he woke me up. He said, "Sunlight's coming up, it's your turn to drive." We were making this huge road trip together because

our counselor had correctly diagnosed that we'd been drifting apart for years. The road trip was meant to bring me and the Crypt Keeper closer together, like we'd been before.

All I could think about was the shovel and the chainsaw in the trunk. "...and remember the time you..." She's not wearing a seatbelt, I thought. I could drive into the median and

and create a horrific car wreck that would surely leave her incapable of chopping me to tiny pieces. He squeezed the steering wheel and jerked it hard. The car hit the barrier and

crashed to a halt. The driver cracked his head on the door window. My would-be serial killer careened through the windshield in a cacophony of glass, but she caught the rail over

the bridge and flipped into the murky water below; blood trailing behind her. Painfully getting out of the vehicle I bent down over the bridge and

peered into darkness. As my eyes adjusted i first caught sight of foamy white from the raging river below. Although i knew the loss of blood would be great, from the bridge nothing

looked dangerous at all. Those foam-flecked rocks were just styrofoam and whipped cream, I bet. Just in case I was wrong, I dropped a chandelier over the edge to see - when it

sunk comfortably into the rocks, I realized the rocks were really TempurPedic mattresses. It was naptime, so I jumped over the cliff too, cuddled up with the chandelier & Zzzzzzzz.