At first light, she saw the tracks in the

At first light, she saw the tracks in the snow. Stepping back from the window, she put her hand out and pointed. But he wasn't ready or able to

get it up while laying in the snow. It was just too cold. It was a shameful position to be caught in. Flaccid, naked and freezing and unknowingly standing in front of

my mom, with grandma behind her. Grammie whistled and said, "That's the smallest tallywacker I've seen since the Midget autopsy I did when

I was on my third tour in Nam." I turned beet red. My Mom gasped and passed out. Grammie said "Seriously." and held out a wiggling pinky finger.

I left on the next bus out of there. All I had in my pocket was a couple of dollars and a moldy potato. I decided then I could be a ventroloquist in Las Vagas or eat the potato.

I went with ventriloquism; it seemed like the safer route. After carving a mouth into the potato, and finger holes to grab, I worked the street for six months, waiting for my break

no apparent results made me rather irritable. Those potatoes were quite common, and I don't see why I should have been blamed for their loss. Neither of my voices were deafening.

But I could only mumble that the grocery store was still open and what was the big issue? Just then, a truck screeched to a halt out front, and UPS delivered a huge GMO potato

The kids stuck plastic ears, teeth, eyes & mustashe on it. I lent my bowler & shoes & we had "life size" Mr. Potatohead! But that night Mr. P got the axe & proved your worst fears.