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Reluctantly, he answered the phone and hoped

  • Reluctantly, he answered the phone and hoped his mother would ask him how his life was going. Instead, he listened as she rambled on about

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  • his love life. He wanted her to ask him about it. But instead she lectured him on it. It was the state of his unions address. Not enough girth. To fast on clit-patrol. More asians

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  • It went on and on. He finally got the message. Your sister has been sendng me signals. Ever since her operation she has been wanting to try out the new Orifice. Let it heal first

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  • and then we'll steam clean the carpets. Until then, it's Nick At Nite and re-runs of

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  • Seinfeld

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  • Yes, that Seinfeld. The whole concept of the program was my idea, not Larry David. That's why I've got David, Seinfeld, and Jason Alexander in cuffs and hidden in my

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  • muffin shop. Everyone loved Elaine. We had intended an entire male crew, wih an occassional female posed as a date. But after

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  • the customers saw Elaine's muffins, they couldn't get enough of them. Frequently they were smeared with frosting or butter, or glistened with powdered sugar. The muffin shop became

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  • the talk of the town. The queue was literally 200 in length most days and small children were taken there for birthday treats. Elaine was a baking success &

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  • even then, at the end of time, no one knew the secret to her success, that special ingredient that lifted breezes, floated boats and sent people home, drunk with joy.

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