Bahumbug! Uttered the Santa suit wearing

Bahumbug! Uttered the Santa suit wearing 3-toed sloth... Or so I thought it was a sloth in my current state. It was actually my mildly drunk and slightly high uncle Andy who

rarely if ever filed his yellowed and gnarly, ridged nails. The redness in his flannel was mostly a scabby layer of dried blood, left over from bum-fighting crack warriors on

company time. He worked for UPS, he smirked when he said, "What can brown do for you?" That's what he said before he took a lead pipe to brittle knees of an elderly woman who

failed to use proper labeling techniques. Yes, he was cold, but he was good at what he did. Those knees shattered like so much candy glass. "Why, you little..." she sputtered

as she removed the appliance from her body. She was mortally offended, but carnally fulfilled, as she regained the ability to bend her knees.

Although she was still having problems with bladder control, which led for awkward moments on dates. One gay made her sit on a towel - and even let her keep it afterward. So she

began to pray daily for deliverance. What showed, of course, was the Domino's guy, who was also an amature urologist. His name was Doctor Poncho. Fixednthe bladder, but began

worm that he had found under the debris, and noticed it was mechanical. With the mechanical worm, he decided he would,

enter the freestyle pole-dancing contest at The Cobra Cabana. Midway through he unzipped and let the mechanical snake do his finale and took home that year's Golden Trousersnake.