The chainsaw bit into the upper-thigh meat.

The chainsaw bit into the upper-thigh meat. Crimson confetti and butter fat flecked the walls in large butterfly arcs. And then the stump gushed

, "wow, that sure is purty!". The Stump had a strange sense of humor, but I guess that's what is needed to be a mortician's assistant. It was a shame that

the rigor mortis had stiffened up the body into such a curious position, but I suddenly felt inspired by Gunter von Hagens exhibits and decided my true calling was Sculptor and

so I painstakingly shaped the recently deceased corpse into an exact replica of the soldiers raising the flag on Iwo Jima, flag included. You might think it impossible but with

left leg and head were on backwards. A foolish mistake but understandable, I had been rolling the body over and over to apply the duct tape. Excess tape made the corpse look like

a really over-taped corpse and that was sloppy. Especially from a professional like myself. I remember my old partner, Shamrock McCoy, and the time he over-taped. It didn't end

well for Sham. He was demoted to Tape Prep. As he held out his fingers, each with a dangling piece of tape, I groaned, "They're all creased." He was demoted to the Organ Gift Shop.

"Yes, I need a new liver for my alcoholism." The lady had pointy glasses like on the Far Side. He gave her kidneys instead. He was demoted to Tongue Depressor.

She died of course, and at the funeral all the mourners on dialysis salivated over her extra kidneys. Five of the Tongue Depressors harvested the kidneys and made a killing!