Popping sounds always made Duran nervous,

Popping sounds always made Duran nervous, yet he could not hesitate when Uncle Simon offered the job at the champagne tasting company. His uncle had always fought for him.

And that had irritated Duran. The champagne gig was a joke because Duran wanted adventure. He wanted to go to Rio, he imagined her a dancer dancing on the sand

but to get there from here you had to cross the Rio Grande and Duran had severe aquaphobia. Then one day Duran met a backwards sort of character named Narud. Together,

they built and crossed the river. On the other side Narud confessed to Duran that his real name was Charon and since his tip was unsatisfactory he was damned to wander the shores

until he somehow came alive again, which was unlikely. Duran said "Balls! It really sucks being stuck on the wrong side of the river Styx, that Charon is a tampon!" Duran

they didn't find the usual thrill. Duran pulled out his iPad and started watching Barbarella. He liked to jack off watching Jane Fonda in the tickling machine. Even that was

too much to bear, so he decided he needed a good mental cleansing. Putting together a douche of bleach and acid, he proceeded to self-employ a brain enemy, and was in the midst of

it when his boss said, "Hold the elevator." He obliged as the solution destroyed the part of his brain responsible for controlling mischievous impulses. He pressed all 80 floors.

"Here we go! first floor!" (ding) "Here we go! second floor!" (ding) By around floor 47, his boss an quaking mess wedged in the corner. It had been a good day.