Business ideas: Exorcisms and Abortions.

Business ideas: Exorcisms and Abortions. Ad: Are you pregnant with Satan's kid? We'll help you by 1) attempting to abort the evil fetus before it reaches trimester two. Or, 2)

experience world-class cuisine and nightly "Up With People" shows in the lounge as skilled ExorBortionists from around the globe skillfully pry Satan from your gelatinous soul.

Ha! Of course, you COULD let the little bastard (Satan) stay inside and grow and grow. . .until he burst right out of your gelatin-spitting soul unto the Earth where he can spread

vegemite, vehemently marking the doors of all intended victims. Once this is done, the heady scent also draws the attention of lesser demons and salty demon dogs.

It's cousin, Marmite is equally tantalising to English demons, and is enjoyed on crumpets. Once a body has been infected with the smell of Vegemite or Marmite, the demons hunger

for it. I used this knowledge to lure all the demons to the Earthly-Infernal Friendship Association 1st Annual Ball. The Earthlies knew the Infernals were expecting to feast upon

The deer roaming the forest. The Earth Lord had special binoculars to spot the demons to the firepit, promising them venison stew. The demons were blindfolded and this couldn't see

through, for the Lord's vision was clouded with unspeakable appetite. The deer, sensing an impending death, was so seized with fright it teetered on the verge of a heart attack.

But, as a last ditch effort the poor deer reached into his satchel, and with one quick thrust into his chest with an EpiPen he was revived anew and the Lord said to him, "Be free!"