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Falling on my ass in the pile of dog shit

  • Falling on my ass in the pile of dog shit would have given a refreshing sense of finality to the night but my reflexes kicked in and I spun in the air, landing on my hands and feet

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  • on top of a hot tin roof. I meowed at the allusion, but was rubbed the wrong way because no one else was there to witness a once in lifetime thing where life imitates are, but

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  • where 'ar' comes without the 't' at the end, and indeed with a replacement 'e'. So is it really art? Flummoxed by this Orwellian dilemma, I looked to Kafka for inspiration.

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  • Kafka had this thing about giant bugs with melancholic central European dispositions, and I realized there'd be no inspiration there. Art is timeless, so I expanded my

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  • consciousness/umbrella and walked headlong into the downpour. At first, I'll admit, I didn't

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  • feel the wetness, but then I looked up. In the clouds was a giant with a white beard looking down at me. "I am crying for your sins." Boy, that really put the pressure on me.

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  • "I didn't do it!" I yelled up to the giant. He began to laugh a horrible and earth shaking laugh. Then there were thousands of them. They all carried bibles and they all started

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  • reading in unison the entire Book of Lamentations which was really just disheartening for everybody. The giant sat on my face, which wasn't fun like when I tell ladies to do it.

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  • Having a giant on your face is more weight than your face was meant to handle. He crushed my head until I had a flat head, but at least it was difficult to hear him reading now.

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  • He read the story of Flatland. The irony was lost on me since my brain was a pancake.

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