My mom's cat was named Thomas Jefferson.

  • My mom's cat was named Thomas Jefferson.

  • My Mom's dog was named Martin Van Buren, her parakeet was called Warren G, Harding, and she once had a goldfish named William Henry Harrison, but he only lasted a month.

  • But nobody--not even Franklin Pierce, the Siamese cat-- lived as long as Mom's horse (I think it was an American Quarter Horse) named Rutherford B. Hayes...damn, the horse lived 40

  • millennia! Well, I suppose it wasn't REALLY her horse. It kinda just showed up at Mom's ranch one day and decided to stay. It even lets her ride it. Guess a 40,000 year old horse

  • doesn't get taken for a ride often. It appreciated the attention, and made fast friends with my mom. Sometimes it would get sad that it was 40000 years old, but mom said "Age is ju

  • st a number. See all those pedophiles on the internet getting away with their crimes?" Mom then got close to the ancient being and gave it a long, hard kiss as i watched the scene,

  • disgusted. The Ancient One had to be at least 4 billion years older than my mom! Yet there He was with at least 2 tentacles and his tongue in her mouth. Robbing the cradle of life!

  • Mom gasped out of the monstrous french kiss and spoke cheerfully. "Son, this is your new step-father, I want you to get along OK?" Unbelievable. An ancient evil was my step-dad?

  • He held out a bandage-swathed appendage:"Put it there, son." "No! You're old & you stink!" Mom was shocked, but I wasn't gonna star in "Eddie Has Two Mummies". "Mom, either he goes

  • or I go!” Well, you must know how THAT turned out: Mom chose him. I packed and left. In time we mended fences, and each Christmas I went to their tomb in Cairo to visit them both.



  1. LordVacuity May 05 2020 @ 23:30

    For some reason I thought all mummiesssssssss were male.

  2. IceSquad May 06 2020 @ 05:48

    Tell that to Princess Ahmanet you mummissssogynisssst :) .

  3. LordVacuity May 06 2020 @ 12:17

    I will when I beg her pardon.

  4. Wurm May 07 2020 @ 11:05

    You must be Mister Eddie's Father's Mummy.

  5. Woab May 07 2020 @ 17:42

    Billy Mumy?

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!