For the 2016 American Presidential election

For the 2016 American Presidential election cycle, Cheswick Marbles thought he might have a chance with the slogan "My religion is faker than yours!" But as time went on,

it started to melt. The giant clocks were folding like warm bologna. Cheswick Marbles so the space time fabric warp and a mouth, with lips and teeth emerged in from his wall.

An army of yeast troopers tilted gravity 90 degrees and fell from the wall mouth. They whipped the folding clocks into place with buttery baguettes. "Synchronize watches in 3, 2, 1

Seconds and defibrilate the sofas. They were already rising from yeast placed in the nooks and crannies. Old Uncle Julian walked in and asked what the hell was going on outside.

Nothing was going on. It was all happening in Old Uncle Julian's imagination. We escorted him back into the house as he muttered something about a sofa army.

Just then we saw them, marching down the street with their weapons raised- sofas, couches, lounges, fainting chairs and chesterfields. Old Uncle Julian had been right! "Get a saw!"

Their furniture was freshly upholstered & the studs weren't just along the seams! They marched up the street in turtle sofa formation. Uncle Jules started his chain saw & charged

the point of the turtle sofa formation. I guess he'd never heard you're never supposed to charge the point of a turtle sofa formation because you will then meet the Kiss of the Uph

they said. It tasted like day-old pizza to me. His breath reeked of onions, garlic, and peppers, and it knocked me off my feet alright. Phew! Turtle Power!