Vin scrambled across the marble floor on

"I'm going to ask you just once," said the sinister character "where's the Boss?" My eyes flitted from the glinting safety razor to his two-day stubble. He wants the shaving cream

, I knew, but I couldn't allow that. "I'm the Boss, and I say back off, bud," I warned the would-be cream thief. The blade sliced thru the air. It was a close shave, but it missed

my jugular as I ducked left & weaved right. He dropped his safety razor,slapped me twice with an abrasive tonic & lunged towards the barbershop exit. Zoro Safety Blade had struck

once again! I picked up Zoro Safety Blade's safety razor. I would never let this happen again, I thought, clenching the razor, along with the tattered remains of my mohawk, in fury

"NOOO!" I vowed revenge on whomever brought this shame upon me. Then I called mom. "Mom! You'll never believe what happened."

"What?" mom asked. "Some buffoon has stolen my really expensive Nike Air Max's!!!" I screamed at the phone. "Ok honey, you need to calm do-" "NO! MOM I WANT MY NIKE AIR MAX's NOW!"

"Fine. Maintain your agitated state while I deploy our R44 Raven II helicopters. Describe the suspects." "No Mom-send out the search & destroy UH-60 Black Hawks! Those shoe thieves

Like the Doc Martens you wear daily. They eat your shoes and it becomes fuel for their cars." What?, mum thought. This sounds like aliens stealing Al Bundy's dirty socks for

Ted Bundy's dry cleaning. Mum shook her head. She simply didn't understand the older generation and their senile delinquency pranks. Perhaps she never would.