You don't know Jack Squat.
- You don't know Jack Squat.
- Or at least, not the way I do. Most people only think they know Mr. Jack Squat, but I've known the man my whole life. By day he is a charismatic entrepreneur, but by night he makes
- sugar free gummy bears. People who buy these lodge complaints with him about how after eating them all, they are stuck to a toilet, with tons of infernal stuff coming out of their
- desire to be thin. But he didn't care, he was a Grocer with a cold heart. He packed his aisles with the worst of junk food to get that money. There was an obese kid named Luke.
- The Grocer called him Luke the Fat and dressed him in a tabard advertising doughnuts. Customers would stroke his smooth cheeks and fill their carts with cake. Luke the Fat got his
- first heart attack as he was cruising the yogurt section for anorexic people to entice to the doughnut counter. It took eleven anorexics to lift Luke the Fat off the floor and take
- him to the nearest shopping cart so they could wheel him out. Outside, an ambulance waited to retrieve the large man and take him to the hospital.
- But before they could get his shopping cart to the ambulance, it broke beneath his gargantuan girth, sending him sprawling across the parking lot. Then the concrete gave way
- Who knew a portal to hell was underneath a humble safeway parking lot this whole time? He and the shopping cart fell through the growing cracks in the earth to certain doom below.
- Amidst the glowing fire& brimstone,he saw Azaroth,the very King of Hell,waiting for him."At last, I find peace!"Azaroth took his crown and placed it on him"Now you're the new King"
- Started
- 2014-03-18 17:09:01
- Finished
- 2016-12-09 00:52:21
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Jesrin Dec 09 2016 @ 16:14
The legend of how Luke the Fat became King of Hell.