Kinky sexual innuendo, scatology, illiteration

Kinky sexual innuendo, scatology, illiteration , a few puns, incongruent TV references, zombies and shamwows:This folding story would have it all, or so I thought...

I consulted my "Folding Story Style Guide" in search of advice on a opening, and found that sarcasm, derision, and litotes were all now verboten. Apparently, new masters had

seized the FoldingStory domain and were cracking down on irreverence of all forms. This military state gave rise to the Sultan of Snark and the WordMonger, who took great pride in

their disdain of misspellings and grammatical errors. All of the fun and creativity was squeezed from open folds as they

were filtered, corrected and made to conform if possible. The idea that the English language is ever changing and made up of countless dialects, pidgins and creoles

was abhorrent to the Central Ministry of Language and Media (CMLM). A homogeneous version of English that could direct and restrict public and private dialog to harmonize society

my hideously ugly mother. I noticed she was cleaning the attic after I gave her a half-assed greeting. My toupee was nowhere to be found! I clenched my fists, gnashed my teeth, and

socked her right in the mouth! I couldn't believe myself! That taunting hairy mole on her chin was just asking for it though. I quickly regained my composure and apologized, but

she had already started calling the cops -- so I figured I might a swell strangle her. After strangling the hell out of her, I huffed a can of spraypaint and shot a cop.