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I suddenly found myself inside a yellow submarine.

  • I suddenly found myself inside a yellow submarine. How did I get here? Why was Ringo Starr having tea with an octopus? And why the only sound I could make was "Goo goo g'joob"?

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  • I immediately ruled out the shrooms. The sushi was a more likely culprit. I attempted to ask, "Honey, do these TNT rolls taste a bit... inky?", but my speech was so slurred that

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  • it came out "eeennnkaeeeee?" I tried to reach for the wasabi but arms felt like rubber sausages. My vision was trailing colors. I heard her say muffled, "Arrreee youuuu ohhhkay?"

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  • Attemping to express an answer, I realized that using my brain was akin to squeezing memory foam, I was fighting the drugs, but wasn't winning. I was NOT okay.

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  • That's when my fat Samoan driver sang, "One toke over the liiiiiiine!" One toke I thought, you poor fool, wait until you see these giant bats. It had all started at the

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  • Kazumura Cave. A couple of old buddies from the days when we still called it spelunking met for our yearly outing at the lava tube entrance not knowing that giant Ope’ape’a infeste

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  • d the lower Kazumura catacombs. My POW pals didn't know what Ope'ape'a were, and since WWII we'd forgotten what they were rightfully called. Pretty soon we heard a strange noise,

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  • a buzzing from above, growing louder at a rapid pace. The sergeant, the one we called Old Spice, spotted the formation. Pointing a shivering finger, he shouted, "Kamikazes!" I dove

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  • under the bulbous cover of a gargantuan jellyfish discarded during the Slavian Migration. The Kamikazes dove recklessly as they are prone to do. Sgt Old Spice was no so lucky...

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  • So as I conclude this eulogy let us remember Sgt Old Spice not for his hate for jelly fish, but rather his love for life. The crowd clapped as squawkers flew away from the cemetary

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