"Itchy face. Stom's a brewin" screeched old

"Itchy face. Stom's a brewin" screeched old Aunt Esther. The rusted wheels of her scooter stalled in a pile of cat feces just as she tried to ram me. I took a drag off her cig and

backhanded our pet chimpanzee. "That's for smokin my last pack of Reds!" Esther reached for the cig but I put a broom in her hand instead. The chimp rubbed his cheek in the corner.

Most people don't know but cheeks do have corners. The chimp fumed, his pride felt charred by Esther's treatment. The Man In The Big Yellow Hat had made a mistake marrying her.

The chagrined chimp was determined to make the Man in The Big Yellow Hat see his new wife Esther's true nature. First, he gathered all the loose banana peels off the floor. Second

he placed the peels from the bathroom exit to the bottom of the staircase while his Master's Mistress was taking her morning bath.George was more than a little mischief these days.

Old Daddy Bush fell out of his wheelchair when he heard Enrico Caruso from his famous performance of 1918. His grandfather was fond of opera, unknown to anyone but his wife.

His love of opera had always been a source of shame for him, mainly because he wanted to preserve his image as a tough guy, which he kept up by knitting often.

The problem was that he knitted so often that it was deemed bullying by the other guys he knitted on or with. Even Chuck Norris felt obliged to wear the NOEL sweater he was given.

The only thing that Chuck Norris had ever knitted was his brows. His only hope now was to come upon a crime scene, so he could rip off the sweater in order to flex his pects.