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True story: I was stopped at a light, really

  • True story: I was stopped at a light, really going for the gold. I had this crusty booger entrenched deep in the nasal fortress and when I plunged extra deep I scooped out
  • the part of my brain responsible for making rational decisions. My eyes came across a Burger King. "'Drive Thru'? Gladly." I hit the gas and plowed straight through the entrance
  • because I had had hooked my lawn mower to a gravity bong an hour earlier and my level of highness was Snoop to thirty-second power and a whopper just made total sense right now
  • -ish. Sure, I wasn't as high as Charlie Sheen, but like any stoner I was hallucinating giant talking animals trying to steal my house. So I rode my lawn mower to Burger King where
  • I ordered 10 cheeseburgers, 9 bags of fries, 8 onion rings, 7 milkshakes, 6 ketchup sachets, 5 cokes, 4 whoppers, 3 apple pies, 2 ice creams and 1 pickle. I loaded my lawn mower &
  • tied it all down with twist ties from the market. Then I hit the road. Pushing the food-laden lawn mower home turned out to be a harder prospect than I'd expected. Sweating like a
  • Pig, I arrived home just in time to learn the Tsar had finally allowed himself to be photographed. This was big news indeed! My mum was reading the daily newspaper at breakfast. A
  • huge spread of the Tsar covered the newspaper. This being the first photograph taken for public consumption, I was quite surprised that he didn't bother to comb his mullet. "What a
  • waste of space." he looked in disgust at the tsar's picture. "They could have added in a smaller picture of him in the news, but no!" he said as he started combing his mullet.
  • Moments later, aliens broke down the front door and carried him off into the woods, devouring every last hair.
Started
2011-08-29 19:18:46
Finished
2016-04-23 09:12:41

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