An orc and an elf, imagine that. I never

An orc and an elf, imagine that. I never thought my son would ever get out of these mines, let alone find such a pretty thing to marry. An adventurer... who ever heard of that from

Stubville, Wisconsin. But here he was, the adventurer, ready to enter Iron Mountain and seek his fortune under the nesting Jade Dragon.

He did a quick inventory. Righteous vengeance? Check. Full armory of weapons? Check. Map of Iron Mountain? Check. Baby loaf of extra sharp cheddar? Check. He entered the mountain

fortress coordinates into his GPS & hiked up the slope. Angband was as a toxic super site since Smog settled there so he also wore a Greenpeace suit. His dragon piercing harpoongun

was firmly packed into his thong, and reinforced with discarded dragon scales - a natural flame retardant. His vibram's matched and he felt quite confident scaling the wall

, but then he fell down. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!" The dragon scales rubbed him just the wrong way. "Now I'm all itchy! And my knee hurts! Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!"

Now this was a man who some might call a crybaby, a hypochondriac and a whiner. But despite his allergies and sensitivity to dragon-scale scraping, this brave man endured so that

in the 25th century he was still autographing the latest instalment of his autobiography, 'Another hundred years, another hundred beatings to my eggy heart.' The only dragon

to use the word "eggy" in the title of his autobiography was kind of a pushover. The fact that his heart only beat once every year did make the dragon somewhat of interest to mode

l as a hero for those with cardiac problems. "Eggy Beater" was a national phenomenon, with fifty percent of the book's proceeds going to the American Heart Association.