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When I was 19 years old, I changed the face

  • When I was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional baseball. I was handed the keys to the kingdom, multi-million dollar deals, endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of me.

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  • But what I loved was poetry. I wanted to write imagist poems about the peculiar degrees of human anxiety and love. I turned my back on my baseball career to focus my

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  • chi on my prose. But I didn't have enough angst, enough inner turmoil, enough true pain to make the poetry real. I wanted it to vibrate with remorse. So I

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  • decided to live like a true Bohemian. But what was that? I decided Freddie Mercury knew. So I tried to live out the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody & killed a man. I put a gun against

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  • my head first, to find out how that feels. Then I set out on my very own Bohemian rhapsody. After I killed some random guy in a dark alley I looked over the mess I'd made and decid

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  • ed to turn myself in. Detective Brandon was working that night and had no idea the danger that was heading his way. During questioning I felt lightheaded, the same way I

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  • felt when I heard the war was over. Somehow I had to warn Brandon that trouble was on his tail, but the idea of his death thrilled me. "Det. Brandon," I started. He leaned in close

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  • "Never mind," i told him. He just stared at me and we moved on. Like I said, secretly I always wanted Brandon to die a slow painful death. And now, I didn't have to get my hands di

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  • irty in the flower beds. All Brandon had to do is drink the KoolAid and then chew on the grape flavored BubbleYum. He doesn't like grape gum? Are you f'n kidding me?! Thats the

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  • only flavor that cures explosive diarrhea, and after that meal of day-old shrimp enchiladas and refried beans, he's an idiot for demanding watermelon flavored gum.

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