I stood upon the hill and gazed across the

I stood upon the hill and gazed across the scene before me. Lined up in rows, my brainwashed friends and peers marched slowly towards me. My army knew of only one solution. We

had all quit our jobs at the same time. It wasn't a strike because that presumes you will get back to work. No my brainswashed army and I were an army of slackers who wanted

to test the limits of slacking. We rid ourselves of all phones, computers, and zippered clothes. Our daily life consisted of beanbags, terry cloth robes, unmicrowaved TV dinners,

and watching the old Twilight Zone Episodes on the VCR. We decided to try to visit the fifth dimension, lit some candles & got out the wigi board.

The Ouija board starting spelling out the lyrics to The Age of Aquarius, but that wasn't the fifth dimension we wanted to visit.The Ouija board was old and so maybe a little senile

, I commented to the group. Wrong thing to say. The planchette vibrated noisily and a hot tingle zapped my fingertips -- but I couldn't remove my hand. Tauntingly, the Ouija board

told me the name of my first sexual partner (as if I didn't know). Then it set about proving itself in other ways, like spelling out the name of Satan and clearing up the whole 666

urban legend. "The number of the Beast is just a PO box. I have to pick up its junk mail all the time." The demon then did the cup and ball trick and 3 card monte. I was impressed.

"Does the Beast often get pizza delivered?" The demon pulled a dove from a toaster, then folded the dove into a handkerchief into which he sneezed. "He's more into Chinese

and sometimes he shares his warshu duck with me, but the General Tsao's chicken isn't spicy enough for me. But hey, did I ever tell you about the time I actually MET Cao Cao?"